


My Soul, My Way

by TheVampireLucinda



Category: All Elite Wrestling, 新日本プロレス | New Japan Pro-Wrestling
Genre: Admiration, Angst, Golden Lovers, Hatred, Heartbreak, Love, Love Triangle, Love/Hate, M/M, Maybe no comfort yet, Rivalry, Slash, Unrequited Love, Wrestle Kingdom, at least for now, hard choices, possible break up?, rocky relationship, sorry fam, sorta - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-18
Updated: 2019-12-18
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:07:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21842662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheVampireLucinda/pseuds/TheVampireLucinda
Summary: “It's reckless but it's alright, I'll let this soul of mine burn fiercely. Let's make it hot, why not make a dream? Let's not wait for nothing to happen in our life! It's reckless but it's alright; let our souls be burn fiercely. My soul, my way.” (DISH)
Relationships: Ibushi Kota/Kenny Omega, Ibushi Kota/Tanahashi Hiroshi
Kudos: 11





	My Soul, My Way

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Title and summary taken from the awesome song “Katte ni My Soul by Dish, and translated by makikawaii! Takes place after Wrestle Kingdom 13. This has been brewing in my head for a while...I think there's more story that Tana and Kenny need to tell together...

_January, 2019_

“If you walk out of here now, you might lose him.”

Kenny Omega, exhausted, battered, hurting, and broken, somehow found the strength to turn angrily on his heel and glare daggers at the man he (currently) hated most in the world.

Hiroshi Tanahashi stood there, calm and poised as always, especially with the newly-won IWGP Heavyweight Title resting on his strong shoulders.

But the evidence of injury and fatigue from the match were with him, too. There were bruises lining his neck, and parts of his face—mirroring the ones on Kenny's own—and his chest rose and fell irregularly, indicating some pain that wasn't obvious to the naked eye.

Kenny had expected to see the Ace smiling when he turned, expected to see the man gloating and looking down on him, like he always seemed to be.

But the expression on Tanahashi's face was...different. There was no pride, no insult, no arrogance. Perhaps only...sadness? Pain? Sympathy?

For a long moment, Kenny Omega was too confused to speak, and too exhausted to be angry anymore.

“Kenny.” The Ace's voice was soft as he spoke; whether from tiredness or some unexpected intimacy, the former Cleaner couldn't be sure. “I know that you are...torn. But you have to weigh what's most important in your heart.”

Hot, seething rage surged in Kenny's veins in a painful flash. “You don't know _shit_ about me, Tanahashi. Don't you _dare_ try to speak to me about how I should feel or what I should do!”

“So angry,” Tana observed softly, eyes compassionate. “I'm angry, too, you know. I'm mad that it...turned out like...like _this_.”

He spread his arms, indicating them both, as if the tension was so thick that it could be seen with their eyes as much as they could feel it prickling on the surface of their skin.

“Kenny, you are amazing. You are the future. And although I don't think your style is New Japan Style, it's something different and new. You bring something out of others that no one else can. “That's why, Kenny, I know that you're leaving, and I'm mad. I know _why_ you're leaving, and I understand, even if I disagree.

“But I also know that if you leave, you're going to lose him, and I'm not going to sit back and watch him fall apart without you.”

The Best Bout Machine remained silent, processing Tanahashi's words, tripping over each word in his thoughts. He couldn't believe the man had complimented him, after so many venomous words had passed between them over the last several months.

But he also couldn't believe the audacity of this man, to threaten to take the love of his life from him...!

“He'll be fine without me,” Kenny said with a certainty that he didn't fully feel. “I didn't even ask him to come with me, because I know he'll say yes.”

“Of course he'd say yes. You are undeniably his soulmate, and he is yours. But you also don't want to ruin his chance at achieving his dream. Am I wrong?”

Kenny felt his face burning. He was angry, and still so very confused. How could Tanahashi understand all of this, and yet try so mercilessly to break their bond?

“No, you're right,” the blond grit out between his teeth. “I want him to win the IWGP Heavyweight Championship, hopefully from you, honestly. It would be poetic justice, at last.”

Tanahashi ignored the slight insult. “I agree with your desire to see him reach the top. I want the same thing for him, even if you don't believe me. But, Kenny, you should stay with him through that journey. He's going to need someone... Someone by his side. It's not going to be an easy road, as you know very well.”

Kenny shivered slightly at the memories; at the endless training, the crushing depression, the brutal matches, and broken-heartedness of chasing that title. And, somehow, _attaining_ the damn thing brought a completely new set of troubles as well

_I was only able to win because he was by my side,_ Omega found himself thinking. _I was only able to keep it together because I had him to lean on..._

“Don't make him go through it alone,” Tanahashi whispered, voice taking on a pleading tone that struck Kenny as both genuine and difficult for him. A thought that had been floating around the periphery of his mind made its way to the center, and it made the _gaijin's_ sky-blue eyes go wide. “Please, Kenny.”

Kenny stared into the older wrestler's face, trying to read the expression there. His general calm and poise were still infuriatingly in place; but he looked like he was in even more pain than before. Somehow, talking about Kota Ibushi had opened up a door between them. But that meant...

“Oh my God,” Kenny breathed, hand coming up instinctively to the center of his chest. “Tanahashi, you... Kota...”

The Ace sighed deeply, arms limp at his sides. “Yes, Kenny. I love him, too. How could I not love him? Just like you, the Golden Star took my heart very quickly and effortlessly, even back then, when I first saw him.

“Unlike you, however, I can never truly have his heart in return. He views me as one of his gods, and it's impossible to love God in the same way that you love an Angel.”

Kenny shook his head, the weight of every statement hitting him a little too hard. In one terrible moment, he saw the beauty and tragedy of their current situation; every argument, every fight between the two of them over ideology and direction and absolutes _also_ involved a love and dream for Kota Ibushi, a man stuck helplessly between them.

But, no; Tanahashi himself admitted that Kota was Kenny's.

“He can never love me the way he loves you,” Tana continued, voice still very quiet and soft. “And I've come to accept that. I can't complete him. But I can _be_ there for him, Kenny Omega; and if you leave now, I swear to God that _I'm going to do just that_.”

The words hit Kenny square in the heart, and he physically staggered, resting the flat of his hand against the wall so that he could keep his balance.

“Cruel,” he said after a moment, voice tight with pain. “You're _cruel_ , Tanahashi.”

“Sometimes, yes. But so are you, Kenny. I don't hate you for it. And maybe...maybe if things had been just a little different... I think I could have loved you, too...”

A long silence passed between the two men. Kenny closed his eyes, trying to regain his bearings. It was all too much, too much. He knew what he wanted to do, and he was resolved to do it. He knew that his destiny was to change the world with his dear friends, even if that meant leaving Japan. Even if that meant leaving _him_ for a little while...

But was the cost truly too high? What _would_ happen to Kota while he was gone? Who would take care of him? Who would protect his Golden Star from...everything? Tanahashi would, to some extent; but Tanahashi was also the type of man who would throw you in a lake to teach you to swim.

It was somehow more terrifying that the Ace wasn't even being _malicious_ about it.

Kenny looked at the older wrestler sadly, not for the first time. The Ace of New Japan had been through so much shit throughout his life.

In his own way, he too had determined to change the wrestling world, and he _actually did._ He succeeded, but lost so much, _suffered_ so much in the process. His ideals were rigid because for a long time, his ideals and hopes were all that he had. It even took several years to get _his_ soulmates on board with the plan.

'Is he...trying to _warn_ me?' Kenny wondered, again wondering what the older man's motives were. It was tough, but...was Tanahashi trying to _help_ him?

“I've already made my choice,” Kenny admitted eventually, shaking his head even as he spoke. “I have to believe that our love will survive any distance, any burden. Any trial. I have to believe that. Because I'll _never_ stop loving him.”

Tanahashi nodded carefully. “I'm not saying that it can't work out, Kenny; but you're going to suffer horribly, and so will he. I hope that you find comfort with your friends, truly.”

The Ace turned to leave, limping slightly. Kenny watched him go, not saying a word. Not moving. The choice had already been made. He was ready to accept the consequences.

_I think._

_Did I make a mistake?_

_There were no right answers, were there?_

“Kenny,” the Ace added as he walked away. “I believe that pro wrestling is ultimately about salvation. I think you'll see it soon, too.”

((()))  
  


_August, 2019_

Kota Ibushi sat, exhausted and elated, surround by reporters and flashing cameras.

The shiny, golden G1 Climax trophy shone beautifully at his side, and every time he looked at it, his heart seemed to swell in his aching chest.

They asked him about how difficult it was, what his next steps were, and how it felt to finally attain something that he wanted for so long. He was able to get through the questions with a smile, the adrenaline from the match still pumping in his veins. One of the reporters raised her hand, and Kota nodded in her direction.

“This time,” she began, eyes focused on the paper she held in front of her, “You didn't have any seconds out there...You were by yourself. Did you feel lonely, at all?”

In an instant, time seemed to stop.

Kota felt his smile, frozen on his face, falter slightly. Several images flashed through his mind, piling on top of each other, overwhelming him with their piercing agony.

Kenny's back as he walked away after Wrestle Kingdom.

_I won't ask you to come with me. I love you too much to ruin you._

Tanahashi's eyes, stern, but compassionate as Kota apologized, partially for himself, and partially for Kenny.

_Believe it or not, I_ do _know how you feel, Ibushi-san. Just...focus on taking care of yourself for now, okay?_

Chase and the others turning on him, beating him down at Jay White's command.

_You're all alone now, Pretty Boy._

Naito looking at him with an infuriating mixture of pity and disdain.

_No one here actually likes him. The only one who did is already gone._

Collapsing into Tanahashi's firm chest, sobbing his eyes out after the G1 match a few days ago, their tears mingling together as Kota finally released the emotions he'd been holding in for half a year.

_Ibushi has had a rough year, too... And I...felt his pain out there, tonight._

His own voice, steady and low as he looked up into the eyes of the reporters.

_This is my first step. A new beginning in my story._

Inhaling slowly, Kota Ibushi nodded; biting his lip, he looked down for only a second before at last replying.

“No, I was always alone, before.”

His heart still throbbed painfully in his chest, but he was able to push the memories away for the moment. He recalled something that Tanahashi had told during a lengthy lecture before the G1 had even started, and found himself smiling again.

“Hey, enough of that, okay?” he chuckled, choosing to laugh instead of cry. “I was out there all alone. Just me...”

Ibushi's voice trailed off, and he exhaled painfully, though evenly.

He knew for certain, now, that he could regain control of his emotions; and, if he focused enough, he could almost forget for a second about his long-lost, golden-haired Angel...

A phone-recorded video, Kenny's voice, trembling as he cried in front of a room full of people, was just a small whisper in the back of Kota's mind.

Oddly enough, Tanahashi was the one who had sent the video to Kota in the first place.

_Sometimes, you have to not be selfish...and you don't want there to be feelings of regret... He's better than I am...but being apart will be good for both of us, in the end. We'll be back...and it'll be a whole new chapter...Maybe the best one yet._


End file.
